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Patient for sloppy talk. [My diary]

In last year, I worked with a colleague for a work item. Our work style was that he worked according to my plan and direction.
I thought that we could have good relationship for this work at first. But, finally I found that our relationship seemed to be bad for him because he fell depressed when he know I would leave project and became sick. He took a lot of holidays after he know I would leave project. My boss planned that he took over my work. So, I prepared to hand over my work. But, his many holidays prevented my work's hand over.

I sometimes think what was my mistake about my communication to him. Of course, I know I can't understand how he felt and what occurred in him because I'm not professional and also doctor about psychology.

But, it seems to me that I might take wrong attitude when he said "I'm a low performer". He sometimes said that kinds of word. I denied his word because he is common worker. To be honest, he seemed to be not special worker in good nor bad in my point of view. And I thought he mightn't think that he is a lower performer because he always smiled when he said that kind of sloppy talk. In my point of view, he
mightn't be assumed his lower performance but he proud of his performance, skill and career because he actually might think he is good performer. I mean, he might just want attention to him even though he mightn't think that he isn't low performer.
Repeated his sloppy talk bothered me and make me irritate about communication with him. I regret that I should have stopped his sloppy talk because I could have been patient for his communication for work at least.
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Chair I bought [My diary]

I bought a chair for my room in last month. The chair is a gaming chair. Gaming chair is chair in order to continue game on the chair for a long time.
The reason why I bought this chair is to prevent lower back ache. I sometimes have lower back ache.
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Harrassment ? [My diary]

I joined current project from June. In this team, I started to work with a older business person with few word.
Honestly speaking, I think relationship between him and me isn't good. He usually doesn't explain project situation, work process, work procedure and/or any kinds of information related to business and project.
So, I should work at my own risk.

In last week, our customer requests some measurement of our product. Our boss assigned this work to me and other colleague. The older business person lent his experiment which needs the measurement.
But, he doesn't mentioned necessary battery cable to me.He didn't lend me necessary battery cable and He didn't inform me about I should prepare my battery cable.

As result, I informed boss about battery cable and he said that the older business person should lend battery cable and finally I can use his battery cable.
In my point of view, his attitude seems to be kinds of harassment. I wish this is my misunderstanding.
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An episode about English mail [My diary]

Sometimes my colleagues asked me advice about English study because they think that I have better English skill than other colleagues.

One day, my colleague ask me to check his English mail. He sent English document to his colleague but he received response mail which said his English document isn't good. Actually, his colleague said in response mail, "Is it true that you had enough TOEIC score?" TOEIC is one of test which measures English skill and I know he has higher score of TOEIC.
My colleague said "Is my English bad as he said?" I thought he might think his English is good and want me to agree to him.

I checked the his English mail. I found that his English text isn't good. In my point of view, his English didn't comply to English grammar. So, I said "I think so."
He hasn't asked me to check his English after this conversation.


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Project Management [My diary]

I'm engineer and not Project Manager. I have joined some business project until now. Of course, Project Manager was in all project I joined.

In my point of view, all project mangers in project I joined knew and thought what should be archived by our project and thought what should be done by all project members.
Usually, the project managers didn't do project task by himself and/or herself. They asked project members to do task. That is reasonable because their responsibility is to manage project, project goal and so on.
Sometimes some of project member didn't agree to do task assigned by project manager. The reason was depends on the situation. Sometimes no time. Sometimes, he or she thought the task should be unnecessary.
Anyway, in that case, project manager usually explained respectfully why he or she assigned the task, why he or she thought the task was necessary and why he or she thought the project member is proper person for the task.
My point is I thought project managers understand his or project and project tasks thoroughly.

But, recently, I encountered person in project manager position who doesn't know his project and tasks correctly. He says, "I don't know what customer requests for the project. I don't know why customer requests the task. But, customer requested. That's why the task is to be done."

In my point of view, he isn't right person as project manager because he has no will to manage project, to think project and to understand project. But, he is still in project manager position. I think this is misfortune for him and for all project members including me.
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Anger management [My diary]

Anger management is kinds of self management strategy. I read recently the book about anger management. The reason why I try to study anger management is that I want to know how to behave when I encounter rude and wicked person. Unfortunately, I have such encounter wicked and impolite person under the cover of politeness and I think I can't handle the situation.
I'd like to know how I help myself under the such situation.

Actually, the book about anger management doesn't have silver bullets. I need some training about anger management.
But, I found that I haven't noticed my anger sometimes and sometimes remember the anger later. That's not good in anger management point of view. This notification may be hints for me.
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2019-06-26 [My diary]

Some days ago, a senior business person from partner company said jokingly. "My first contact to you was about 20 years ago. I got yelled by you." I don't remember the contact.

I think he remember the contact correctly because he is trustful person and the scene he told is which I should agree about that I should do so if I was in the scene.
Anyway, I don't remember the scene. His explanation doesn't recall my memory.

But, I can't ignore the expression "got yelled by you". I know I may be more easily angered, I mean more intolerant than colleague around me. But, I don't like to get angry because anger is stressful, boring and tiring for me.

But, I wonder other people including him feel that I like to get angry.
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A boring, stressfull topic [My diary]

This Japanese web page is a advisement column. This column answered to advise request "I'm disappointed in my life with full ups and downs. Sometimes I complain about my life to people around me. But, they usually told me that I'm not only person who suffers tough life."
https://cakes.mu/posts/25974

Answer from editor has some points. One of points is the reason of statement from people around consulter is that consulter's talk about life is boring and stressful so they don't want to hear consulter's talk.
I reached this column from twitter. Many people said this column is valuable and useful on twitter.

I remember a counselor said "everybody don't want to hear your talk" more than 10 years ago. I have negative feeling about his word still now. But, I have to agree my interest usually only focus me negatively and my talk is stressful and boring.
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What is the purpose of conversation? [My diary]

Recently, I had tried communicating my colleague in order to ask work to him.
As result, my communication didn't achieve my objective. More and more I tried explaining his work and my intention, less and less he might understand his work and my intention.

Conversation with him provided me a sense of futility every time even though he usually agreed to me about work. I wasn't sure why I felt so tired.

The reason why I described "my communication didn't achieve objective" is he threw his work because of "stress" as he said. He said "I can't complete my task because I can't understand what I should do" and he took 1 week off.
So, I think my communication didn't achieve my objective because my communication to him didn't keep him work.

I'm not sure what is exact cause which make him throw up work because the reason may be triggered by his feeling I can't see.
I think I have some point to be improved. One of the points is his conversation purpose may be different from mine.
He likes chatting. I felt he tried spinning conversation by means of irrelevant questions. I always answered his question and had to try redirecting our conversation.
I remember conversations with him and concluded that his purpose of conversation is conversation itself. He just enjoyed talking even though my purpose is to make him work.
So, he just enjoyed conversation and forgot understanding his work. And I assume that he found what he should do is work, not chat finally. So, he said "I feel stress about work. I can't understand what I should do".

Whether my assumption is right or not, I think I should take care about what is purpose of conversation when I discuss with other colleague.
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2019-06-02 [My diary]

I have some experience that person whom I didn't have much interest to had interest to me in office.

I think that they had wrong impression to me because they might be lonely and they might feel that my attitude in business may be closer than other person they usually contact in office. As my business policy, I say thank you to person who take effort, time and/or concern to my business and my business asking. In Japan, many people don't say thank you to their colleague. (Of course, I know many person say thank you to their colleague.But, in my point of view, more people don't say thank you to their colleague than people say thank you to colleague.) Lonely people unused to thank you. My thank you may make them misunderstand that I have close feeling to themselves.
Or, they may be lonely and they thought I feel lonely same as them because I usually don't chat to other person and usually I work alone.

Anyway, person, who might have interest to me and whom I didn't have much interest to me seemed to try to become friend of mine. For example, they asked personal question, e.g. food I like, my hobby, school I graduated. Or they tried to chat to me outside of the office.

As result, their try was failed because I don't want business colleague to come closer to my personal life.

I think that my attitude may be overly friendly than appropriate business manner. I should pay attention to my attitude.
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