2018-11-24 [My diary]
About fifteen years before, I worked as test engineer.
My boss at that time wasn't practitioner. What I mean "he wasn't practioner" is he hasn't any actual operation experience about test and hasn't had no interest about actual test work.
I think that he believed that his team members always archieved good result when he requested work without his effort and any management support.
In team members point of view, we couldn't get any practical support from him. He didn't have any skill about actual management. He didn't have concern about team members actual work, theirs personality and interest. In my point of view at least, I think that he didn't have no awareness of his management problem.
One day he said, "Why don't you say anything to me about your trouble?".
At that time, I kept overtime work during several days and his boss seemed to warn about my overtime work to him. Maybe his boss told about overtime work meant that I struggled to trouble. Unfortunately, I had no connection to his boss. I couldn't discuss with his boss directly. So, my comment about his boss just my assumption. But, I believe my assuption is reasonable because his boss sometimes gave him advice about team management and I saw it several times actually.
Anyway, His boss's assumption was right. I had a lot of work to do but I have no support about work. So, I kept overtime work to complete my work.
But I didn't say anything to my boss because I thought he didn't solve my trouble. I thought he didn't help me.
My boss at that time wasn't practitioner. What I mean "he wasn't practioner" is he hasn't any actual operation experience about test and hasn't had no interest about actual test work.
I think that he believed that his team members always archieved good result when he requested work without his effort and any management support.
In team members point of view, we couldn't get any practical support from him. He didn't have any skill about actual management. He didn't have concern about team members actual work, theirs personality and interest. In my point of view at least, I think that he didn't have no awareness of his management problem.
One day he said, "Why don't you say anything to me about your trouble?".
At that time, I kept overtime work during several days and his boss seemed to warn about my overtime work to him. Maybe his boss told about overtime work meant that I struggled to trouble. Unfortunately, I had no connection to his boss. I couldn't discuss with his boss directly. So, my comment about his boss just my assumption. But, I believe my assuption is reasonable because his boss sometimes gave him advice about team management and I saw it several times actually.
Anyway, His boss's assumption was right. I had a lot of work to do but I have no support about work. So, I kept overtime work to complete my work.
But I didn't say anything to my boss because I thought he didn't solve my trouble. I thought he didn't help me.
2018-07-22 [My diary]
Many years ago, my boss at that time said:
"You sometimes do ridiculous behavior. I don't want to go with you to customer. And I don't go with you"
This word is one of "cursing word" to me. I had to agree to him even though I hoped I became good business person and desired chance to work actual business filed.
At that time, I'm just after graduation of university. I didn't have enough business manner. And I also didn't have confidence to myself. This made me play the fool.
His word made me loss my confidence more over. I thought that I didn't have enough skill and possibility to do business with customer.
Recently, I have some meeting with customer. I remember his word. I think that he may forget his word. Of course, he may not apologize me that his word is irrelevant.
"You sometimes do ridiculous behavior. I don't want to go with you to customer. And I don't go with you"
This word is one of "cursing word" to me. I had to agree to him even though I hoped I became good business person and desired chance to work actual business filed.
At that time, I'm just after graduation of university. I didn't have enough business manner. And I also didn't have confidence to myself. This made me play the fool.
His word made me loss my confidence more over. I thought that I didn't have enough skill and possibility to do business with customer.
Recently, I have some meeting with customer. I remember his word. I think that he may forget his word. Of course, he may not apologize me that his word is irrelevant.
2018-06-17 [My diary]
A senior colleague just after I started my business career said "You should heard any advice which points out your improvement point. People doesn't say such kind of advice to you when you're older because people give up on you."
I didn't understand her word fully
I thought when someone makes a mistake in business, his or her boss should takes care of the mistake.
If the mistake derives from him or her, the boss should advice to him or her, I thought.
Actually, I think as so.
Now I became older. I think her word isn't right in the following point.
I didn't understand her word fully
I thought when someone makes a mistake in business, his or her boss should takes care of the mistake.
If the mistake derives from him or her, the boss should advice to him or her, I thought.
Actually, I think as so.
Now I became older. I think her word isn't right in the following point.
- Her "advice" includes criticism.
- People including my boss said advice to me if I have a mistake. They say advice as asking nicely.
- People have right and responsibility to think whether advice is helpful and decide whether they accept the advice. I mean, not all advice is reasonable. we should accept advice as our own risk. When we find advice is harmful, we should ignore or reject the advice.
Curse word [My diary]
About ten years ago, I went to several workshops and counseling service because I suffered for my career.
One day, I met a career counselor.
I confessed my worry about career to him. During my confession, I said "My senior colleague said you have potential to work. So, I think I can do good work when I get chance."
"Potential, Ha!". He scoffed at me.
"You've worked for several years. But, you can't explain actual work experience. You're a fool."
I remember his word even though I haven't met him for about ten years. His word kept distressing me until recently. His word means "You don't have enough career, skill and experience even though you works for years." So, his word blamed me as I don't do enough work.
Recently, I told someone about his word. I said "Someone says I have potential. But, a person said you're a fool because you use potential not actual experience to explain your skill."
"Ha, his is actual fool person." She laughed. At that moment, my feeling eased.
I realized his word cursed me. Her laugh broke my curse.
One day, I met a career counselor.
I confessed my worry about career to him. During my confession, I said "My senior colleague said you have potential to work. So, I think I can do good work when I get chance."
"Potential, Ha!". He scoffed at me.
"You've worked for several years. But, you can't explain actual work experience. You're a fool."
I remember his word even though I haven't met him for about ten years. His word kept distressing me until recently. His word means "You don't have enough career, skill and experience even though you works for years." So, his word blamed me as I don't do enough work.
Recently, I told someone about his word. I said "Someone says I have potential. But, a person said you're a fool because you use potential not actual experience to explain your skill."
"Ha, his is actual fool person." She laughed. At that moment, my feeling eased.
I realized his word cursed me. Her laugh broke my curse.
Harassing [My diary]
Many years ago, a senior colleague said.
"You're kind of person who can kill yourself to harass other colleagues. That annoys them and me. Don't do that."
"I think so". I said.
Sometimes I remember this word. I don't know what he exactly meant. He thought I suffered and he wanted to stop me doing silly thing. Or he just might want to say that I'm harassing person.
Anyway, I agreed to his word "kind of person who can kill yourself to harass other colleagues".
"You're kind of person who can kill yourself to harass other colleagues. That annoys them and me. Don't do that."
"I think so". I said.
Sometimes I remember this word. I don't know what he exactly meant. He thought I suffered and he wanted to stop me doing silly thing. Or he just might want to say that I'm harassing person.
Anyway, I agreed to his word "kind of person who can kill yourself to harass other colleagues".
Spring has come [My diary]
Cherry blossom is blooming. I went to park near my house and walked around.
Many people enjoyed cherry blossom's beauty.
I also walked on river side. this was comfortable.
Visit my family's cemetery [My diary]
Today I went to my family's cemetery with my father and my younger brother according to Japanese traditional custom at Spring Equinox Day.
After we ate lunch, we encountered to our relatives, wife of my father's cousin and her daughter.
My father thought that we would go to their house to meet them. It is lucky to met them because they were not in their house.
At first, I couldn't remember her daughter because I have long time to see her. I might meet her maybe 10 or 20 years before.
After we ate lunch, we encountered to our relatives, wife of my father's cousin and her daughter.
My father thought that we would go to their house to meet them. It is lucky to met them because they were not in their house.
At first, I couldn't remember her daughter because I have long time to see her. I might meet her maybe 10 or 20 years before.
Minecraft [My diary]
I play Minecraft. Now I create guardian trap. I use Hopper to gather drop item of guardian. So, I need many iron ingot.
This is why I created iron golem trap.
To destroy golem, I use magma block like as the following picture.
This is why I created iron golem trap.
To destroy golem, I use magma block like as the following picture.
Worry about my skill [My diary]
I'm worried about my technical skill.
I feel my skill is not enough for my career what I want. So, I have to study and learn technology more.
I feel my skill is not enough for my career what I want. So, I have to study and learn technology more.
English speaking [My diary]
Recently, I feel my English skill isn't enough for my business.
Especially, my skill of speaking English isn't enough.
I had some occasions that I speak with English. But, I couldn't explain what I want to say.
I think my mouth needs more experience of speaking English.
So, I sometimes try to speak English to myself as training recently.
Especially, my skill of speaking English isn't enough.
I had some occasions that I speak with English. But, I couldn't explain what I want to say.
I think my mouth needs more experience of speaking English.
So, I sometimes try to speak English to myself as training recently.
